i have discovered some things about myself that i don't like, so, and i do know there are a few friends that i still have that will care. =3

i am taking a little time off from the internet, I'll still be around, and on my YIM and so forth, but i need to find something in myself. in the end i may even wind up taking a trip.

i was watching a show on Buddhism and thinking, now i think i need to search in my own self for something that i am lacking. maybe quiet my mind, get a few things in my head strait...

over my three odd years of being on DA, i have abused more then one friend. and in those 3 years i have suffered greatly. while watching that video, that i discovered coincidentally on youtube, after reading that 2D of gorillas {even though he's not real} is Buddhist, that perhaps i should look into it as well.

i have always wanted to help others, but since my mother died, i have been less inclined to do so, seeing my own suffering take precedence and over shadow everything else. i turned out my friends, because i wanted them to feel my suffering, thinking even for one moment that i could escape it, if they felt it as well...

I'm slowly beginning to realize that, i was turning out my friends, because i was not happy with myself. i just didn't see it in time.

mores the pitty.

so you could say, i am going on an inward journey of discovery, i need to make sure that the only one who suffers for myself, is me, and not the people i care about, while they still care about me.

-Anna, the lost one.